| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 |
| 6:20 pm |
Foolish Girl...
So here I am. Sitting in YOUR room. Trying to pass the time by. I wanted so much time to myself. To live my own life. And you went and made plans with your friends. I'm happy. But at the same time hurt that I wasn't invited. I KNOW I"M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE. I know this. So why am I crying? I keep saying and thinking that I'm going to move out. I know its going to happen. But you keep telling me that you don't want me to go. I have a feeling that someone likes you right now. I don't know how to explain it. You are going to get fixed up. You shaved and showered tonight. You never did that for me, and suddenly I'm suspicious. Whatever. I hope she makes you happy. Who ever this chick is. I'm sick of life and waking up to the same old bullshit. I have a feeling things are going to happen so fast, I won't know whats happening. You'll have a girlfriend. I'll cry and be jealous. I can't act normal. I can't be normal. I will always be this way. Everything happens for a reason. Current Mood:  crushed |
| Saturday, July 21st, 2007 |
| 9:33 am |
Virtual Gift.....
Somebody bought me a virtual gift of roses.....Hmmmm? Its an extremely sweet gesture, but it'd be more sweet if I knew who it was. I have a feeling I know who it is, because I searched my email address with google and my journal pops up. But to whomever it is, Thanks. It made my day start off nicely. Current Mood:  touched |
| Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 |
| 7:23 pm |
Bummer...
I know that theres a chick with my name on Guiding Light...but I didn't know my name was that common! |
| Saturday, June 17th, 2006 |
| 9:55 am |
I started takin vitamins in hopes they'll help improve my mood. I'm not working much lately. That means less money. I'm mostly hugely bored with everything. I mean there is little things that make me happy, but overall, I'm struggling to entertain myself. Today there was an option of doing something new, but matts not interested and I don't want to go by myself. I'm bummed. Current Mood:  bored |
| Friday, June 2nd, 2006 |
| 10:42 pm |
=(
I don't know if its my birth control or something else. But for the past two weeks I've felt ANGRY. Just pissed off at everything. I'm so confused. Like right now, I want to just punch things. How I wish I could just calm down. |
| Wednesday, May 17th, 2006 |
| 3:18 pm |
Today the house got a little smaller. And my feelings got a little louder. |
| Thursday, May 11th, 2006 |
| 9:15 pm |
Lets bloo this....
What have I been up to? -Working myself to death. This week I'm working in SF making more than twice as much as I do at Pizza Slut. -Being Betty Homemaker. Me and Matt are good. Swell I'd even say. I love him to death -I'm thinking of having a barbeque and inviting all my friends over. -I'm going to Ozzfest June?July? 1st. Gonna see the Red Hot chili peps in August too. This is good. Getting out of the house rocks! -I work alot. And come home and play house. Then sleep. Exciting huh? I need to make dinner...I gotta go to sleep soon. |
| Friday, March 17th, 2006 |
| 11:52 pm |
Songs I'm in love with right now...
Love will tear us apart-joy division (is on Donnie Darko and it reminds me of it) Add it up- Violent Femmes (I've always loved this song because...well it makes me wanna fuck. "Nothing I can say when I'm in your thighs ") Go with the Flow-Queens of the Stone Age (Don't know what it is about this song, but I can listen to it over and over) Perfect Situation-Weezer(What can I say..I'm a sucker for weezer. Yeah call me emo and see if I kick your ass) Tear you apart-She wants Revenge (Another song that makes me hot!) Under the Milky Way- The church (I think its on Donnie Darko also. Or else it should be.) The Killing Moon- Echo and the Bunnymen (Reminds me of Gia...Thats all) Violet-Hole (I dislike Courtney Love, but I think this song is fucking great. ) Tommorrow Wendy- Concrete Blonde (I've liked this song since the day I heard it. I don't know what it is about it, but I think its awesome) |
| 12:50 am |
So.. I remember long ago when I said I'd never get a cell phone. And then I got one. I remember when everyone got an ipod and I was puzzled by all the hub-bub. Those things were expensive..and then you had to BUY music to put on it! Sheesh. And then tonight I bought one. Heh. Yeah I'm years behind the revolution. But I'm fine with that. I've only put 15 songs on it, but I'm freaking amazed by this thing. I think its my new love. I can see why people get wrapped up in it. I want little accessories for it. I want to fill it up. I'm in love! I keep touching it, fondling it...I'm amazed by its sensitivity to touch. I'm about to go organize the CDs I have that I'm going to put on it. My god..what have I gotten myself into to!? Current Mood:  nerdy |
| Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 |
| 4:05 pm |
I originally didn't want to take/post this ..
But damn if they haven't gotten most people spot on. Hahah..Spot on. Yeah..anyway.
the Romantic
Test finished! |
you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.
"I am unique"
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me
- Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
- Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
- Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
- Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
- Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!
What I Like About Being a Four
- my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
- my ability to establish warm connections with people
- admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
- my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
- being unique and being seen as unique by others
- having aesthetic sensibilities
- being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
What's Hard About Being a Four
- experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
- feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
- feeling guilty when I disappoint people
- feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
- expecting too much from myself and life
- fearing being abandoned
- obsessing over resentments
- longing for what I don't have
Fours as Children Often
- have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
- are very sensitive
- feel that they don't fit in
- believe they are missing something that other people have
- attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
- become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
- feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)
Fours as Parents
- help their children become who they really are
- support their children's creativity and originality
- are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
- are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
- are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages
You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BY
Would you rather have chosen:
AY (EIGHT)
CY (SIX)
BX (NINE)
BZ (FIVE) |
 |
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 26% on ABC |
|
You scored higher than 53% on XYZ |
| |
| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 |
| 12:37 am |
In the 11 years I've known Matt, he's never bought me flowers. Once long ago when we first started dating and we were teenagers, I told him to get me flowers. He picked a rose from my neighbors yard. I was so charmed. Tonight, I got so pissed at him for reasons I won't reveal. I left for work 20 minutes early just so I wouldn't start screaming at him. I really wanted to cry. I just talked some of it over with a co-worker and left it at that. As I was leaving work the phone rang. It was Matt wanting to know when I was coming home. I told him I was on my way out the door. I was still annoyed and drove home blasting System of a Down as loud as I could. I get home and Matt asks me what took me so long. I was irritated then and went to my room and turned on System and blasted it. He then came in and told me he had to show me something. I took my time, changing out of my uniform and folding clothes. He then dragged me into the kitchen and smiled. HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS. He told me Happy Valentines Day and I told him he was stupid because we've never celebrated Valentines Day ever. But I was grinning. I asked him why he bought me flowers and he said when I left, I looked at him like I hated him. I was pissed when I left earlier. He felt bad and walked down to the nearest corner that was selling flowers and bought some and a vase. He won't tell me how much he spent, and I'm wondering where he got the money because we're broke. Either way, he cheered me up. and i love him. Current Mood:  loved |
| Saturday, January 14th, 2006 |
| 10:52 am |
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| Monday, January 9th, 2006 |
| 12:21 am |
This poem just made me cry...
Stetch Marks and Cellulite -By Pamela Sneed Mirror, Mirror on the wall can't my feet be smaller, hair straighter, thicker, shorter, longer butt tighter, firmer nose wider, thinner eyes browner, bluer, greener tits smaller, higher, rounder, less droopy? Is there some way I can get rid of these marks stretched across my breasts, my ass can't my legs be like silk stockings and why do we have to scar at all Mirror, Mirror, answer me I asked my lover if i have cellulite my trainer at the gym a complete stranger and a one night stand Do I have it? I want to be the object of my own desire lean and mean like a sex machine a brick house solid as a rock I want years of good nutrition and to stop standing on my feet forty hours a week I want to look like I've never worked at all and never had to worry about it. I have turned off lights undressed undercover wrapped fingers around the thickness of your waist my tongue tasted every creamy saltwater concoction your body would create kissed between your toes sides of your stomach still i fear the circus freak 500-hundred-pound lady who commits suicide to screams of laughter we are buried in diets anorexia sunken sallow skeletons of women hidden in closets for centuries fat wraps loofah skin care products Vogue and Elle buy, sell yourself squeezed in size 9 dresses bones protruding from empty hips and death is as easy as a Cosmopolitan diet of grapefruit juice vomit vomit every day more vomit more blood we shit out trying to be what we can't keep dying on operating tables from liposuction fat reduction babies are born and mothers don't always regain their shapes. |
| Wednesday, December 14th, 2005 |
| 2:35 pm |
i bought Matisyahu's CD last night. my birthday was last week. I could type for hours but none of it would matter. i'm actually bored for the first time in awhile. Today is my day off and my goals were acheived. I did nothing but lay around and watch tv. I'm not off to take a nap and hopefully matt will wake up and we'll frolic around the house. |
| Thursday, November 24th, 2005 |
| 5:23 pm |
You know what I hate? Icons of girls and their boyfriends kissing. I don't know why, I just can't stand them. |
| Wednesday, October 26th, 2005 |
| 3:44 pm |
I dropped out of school for the semester. I feel so much better now. I wasn't getting any sleep before, but now I am. I fill that time now with babysitting my little nephew. Stuff is finally getting taken to the other house in Davis. I'm excited. I'll completely explode when this house (matts house (our house))is near empty. I'm bored. Matts asleep right now. I have permission to wake him up in 1 hour and 20 minutes. Bah. This house if freezing, but I refuse to turn on the heater. I need to buy another blanket for my bed. one blanket at night is not cutting it. I'm going to go eat Mac and cheese. yay! Current Mood:  cold |
| Sunday, October 9th, 2005 |
| 2:02 pm |
short update
I went to System of a Down concert. I loved it. It fucking rocked and was so cool. But I've learned I'm too old to headbang. My neck hurts BAD. My voice is all raspy. And my body is so sore. But it was oh so worth it. I officially live at Matts house. I don't know if I mentioned that. Updates will be sparse because I don't feel comfortable updating there yet. I'm at my Moms house eating her food. that is all. Current Mood:  sore |
| Monday, September 19th, 2005 |
| 10:34 am |
SQUEEEEE!
Matts parents moved his sisters stuff out of her room. *squee* I start moving my shit in on my next day off which is Wednesday. *squee* I'm scared and excited at the same time. Current Mood:  ecstatic |
| Friday, August 26th, 2005 |
| 10:47 am |
I've been offered a position as assistant manager. I'd be making anywhere from 1-2 dollars more. I told my manager I'd take it as long as I didn't have to work more than 35 hours a week due to my schooling. He said that was fine. We're going to talk about it more when he gets back from vacation. I'm a little excited, but the circumstances are not good. We have an assistant manager. She's a nice person and all, but she's a crappy assistant manager. She takes no resposibility for her actions and my manager doesn't want her at his store. He wants her to go back to Stockton. She started here, tranferred to Stockton and then transferred back. Now, she was told by my managers boss that she's very close to being demoted. The next day my manager wrote her up and told her it was a final warning. They're desperate to get rid of her, and I feel bad knowing that they probably will succeed, and that I will be taking her job. I talked to some other shifts and they all agreed that I should take the job. Even the General Manager of another store, and 2 people higher up on the "in-charge" chain agree that I should take it. So I think I might. More money would be interesting. The only thing is learning new things. I'm not looking forward to doing inventory, and making the schedule. But I'm pretty sure it'll be good. Me and another shift manager have taken it upon ourselves to better our store. I'm glad I have someone to support me and stuff and I realized the other day that she's a pretty good friend. As for other news? Nothing much. School is kicking my ass because I have to wake up early. Its pretty easy, but I keep nodding off in my first class. Me and Matt are fine. I glad that boy takes all my shit and still stays with me even though I'm absolutely nuts. My jealousy got the best of me the other day and I exploded. He's so great and calms me down and tells me I'm crazy and all that good stuff. His birthday is coming up in like 2 weeks. I don't know what to do for him. He doesn't want to do anything. I told him I'd take him out to buy some new shoes and pamper him all day basically. He said he's fine with that. Well I'm off to make some stuff on the the computer for the store and then eat lunch and take a nap before work. Current Mood:  busy |
| Saturday, August 6th, 2005 |
| 2:45 pm |
I'm soooooo tired. Today is my friday. Finally a day off tommorrow. I've been working since last Wednesday. No day off. 8-10 hours a day. NO BREAKS! My shoulder is incredibly fucked up. And me not having a day off to rest has been making it worse. I had a dream last night that Matts been seeing a girl on the side. I woke up and almost started crying. I'm so dumb sometimes. School starts in almost a week. I need to hurry up and get my books. Its hella hot and I'm waiting for my work clothes to finish washing so I can put them in the dryer and hop in the shower. I wish I didn't have to work. BOO! Current Mood:  exhausted |
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kneeling_roses's journal
